Ever wonder where NBA players are from? Sure, most people know what colleges they attended, but few know their home state or country. Like usual, basketball-reference.com has the answers.
Quick facts:
Georgia the state has had 115 players while Georgia the country has had 5
New Zealand and Idaho are tied at 4 each
California leads all with 364
Mario Chalmers is the only player from Alaska
So, what if each state or country could make all star teams? I could spend hours making teams for different countries or states, but since I go to school in South Dakota, I decided to make an all Dakota team. (South Dakota would not have had enough with only 5, so I included their neighbors to the north). Besides, people outside of the region don't know the difference between North and South Dakota. Since that only makes 11 players, I decided to include the only player ever from Iceland, since Iceland seems to be the Dakota's of Europe.
Starting five:
Point Guard: Jon Sundvold, born in Sioux Falls SD, drafted in 1983 by Seattle. Averaged 11 points and 4 assists in 86-87 for the Spurs. Opened up an investment firm after playing and does TV commentary for Missouri Basketball. His career 2.9 assists per game is the most out of anyone from the Dakota's, which is more of a negative for the region than a positive for him but The Daks will take it! (Team name is the Daks by the way, beating out the Biyotejacks and the Corn (singular, like the Thunder).
Quick note: SDSU ads starting showing up on basketball reference after I started doing this. If I wanted Jack ads I would type "ads for conceded schools in the mid-west" into google. That is my first and only (we'll see) dig at the Jacks, but they had it coming.
Shooting Guard: Duane Klueh, from Bottineau ND, drafted in 1949 by Boston. This was a spot up for grabs, but I gave it Klueh because it would be funny to have a 50's guy starting and because this guy has had a very interesting career. After playing only two NBA seasons with the Nuggets and Fort Wayne Pistons, he went back to his Alma mater (Indiana State) and coached both basketball and tennis. He was successful as basketball coach over 12 seasons, but he coached the tennis teams (two tenures) for 26 seasons! They even named the tennis complex after him. This was the only picture of him since his playing days predated photography. (Not really but just go with it).
Small Forward: Mike Miller, from Mitchell SD, drafted in 2000 by the Magic. People forget he was the 5th overall pick in that draft, but man that draft sucked. Everyone remembers Miller as being a member of Lebron's 3 point entourage in Miami. I remember him losing a shoe during a game, hitting some clutch 3's, and following Lebron to Cleveland for a year. People forget that with Memphis, he had a year (06-07) where he averaged 18.5 points, 5.4 rebounds, and 4.3 assists, while shooting 40$% from three, a mark he has averaged for his career. Undoubtedly, Miller would be the focal point of the Dak's offense.
Power Forward: Mark Landsberger, from Minot ND, drafted in 1977 by the Bulls. Didn't do much, but averaged 8 points and 9 rebounds one year for the Bulls. He did win two rings with the Lakers in 80 and 82, so he and Miller can compare rings. He only averaged 12 and 7 playoff minutes in each of those championship runs, but hey, he was there. He also joins the starting five since the Dakota's have produced very few quality big men. Anyone else think he looks SNL's Taran Killam?
Center: Peter Gudmundsson, from ReykjavikIceland, drafted in 1981 by the Trail Blazers. That's right, the Dakota's failed to produce much center talent, so Gudmundsson gets the nod at the five. Averaged just under 5 points and 4 rebounds for his career. He only played in four seasons, and is perhaps most known for being a part of the trade that brought Mychal Thompson to the Lakers. He was also 7'2, 260. Other than that, he is the only player ever from Iceland. Sixth Man: Doug McDermott, from Grand Forks ND, drafted in 2014 by the Nuggets. When the Bulls traded for Dougie on draft day, there was excitement that he could provide some instant offense for the Bulls. While this has yet to be realized, he is still young and has potential to be an offensive weapon. He fits well into the sixth man role for the Daks.
Key Minutes Guy: Med Park, born in Britton SD, predated the draft. Park never did too much, but he lasted in the league longer than these most of these other bench guys. At his peak he averaged about 10 points and 4.5 rebounds (1958-59 with Cincy). They didn't keep track of turnovers back when he played so that's a plus! Young Potential Guy: Tyler Johnson, born in Grand Forks ND, undrafted. Despite being undrafted and spending time in the D league, Johnson is finding some success this year for the Miami Heat. Through 16 games he is averaging 8.6 points and 20 minutes a game. Not bad, but mostly gets this spot due to lack of anyone else deserving of it. The Daks are kind of like the 76ers, where these guys get chances they might not otherwise get, and it could make them look good (at least statistically). Bench Guy Who Can Score Every Now and Then: Glenn Hansen, born in Devils Lake ND, drafted in 1975 by the Kings (Kansas City). For whatever reason, he was a one year wonder. His rookie season Hansen scored 6.5 per game, but after that he only played in 51 games over two years. There is almost nothing on his Wiki page, so his retirement is a mystery. Maybe he realized he had a passion for pottery or was an equestrian. I don't know. Backup Center (by default): Jared Reiner, born in Tripp SD, undrafted. Here is how thin the center position is on this team: Reiner only played in 46 games in two years with Chicago and Milwaukee. He scored 54 points for his career and averaged 2.4 rebounds. Any college (or high school) team from the Dakota's could easily dominate the bigs for this team. Just look at the guy and tell me you are surprised he didn't stick around longer. Who decided middle school pictures would be a good idea? It's alright Reiner, it's not your fault. Honorary Center (Nice way to put it): Les Jepsen, born in Bowbells ND, drafted in 1990 by the Warriors. Les Jepsen sounds like a rock and roll icon more than a basketball player. He only scored 53 points and had 67 rebounds in his two year career, appearing in 52 games, so really his career was similar to Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger (although you could argue they were better at basketball, as Jepsen had a -0.1 offensive win share his rookie year, meaning his offense was so bad it did more harm than good to his team). Even on this team, poor Jepsen won't find minutes. Turns out his full name is Leslie Burnell Jepsen, and has the nickname of Big Boy. "Center": Ray Ellefson, born in Brookings SD, predated the draft. First off, I don't like the whole Brookings thing. Secondly, only in the 40's could you have a center who was 6'8 230. He played in 6 games in his two year career, scoring a total 6 points and amassing 8 rebounds. So an Andre Drummond typical first quarter output equals Ellefson's whole career. I am surprised there is even a page for him, which shows basketball reference's depth. He is so unknown that there isn't even a google picture of him! Most people's cats even show up on google. Well, this team picture came up so there is a chance he is one of those guys. Well, that's the team, pretty intimidating right? I honestly think team Alaska would give them trouble.
NBA League Pass is great. If you are a fan of the league, there really isn't anything better to get. No, this isn't a plug or anything, just facts (opinion). Anyways, it lets you watch games otherwise unavailable to most of the country. This is how I was able to watch the Lakers at the 76ers on Wednesday, despite the game being on Tuesday. Pretty big game, if you don't care about records or quality basketball. Of course, Kobe announced his retirement recently, making this his last season. Kobe grew up in Philly, which makes this last game at the 76ers very meaningful. (Apparently Kobe always wanted to play for Philly) The 76ers were also going for their first win. To avoid fluff and to get the hometown take on the game, I decided to watch the 76ers TV feed. Records: Lakers: 2-14 76ers: 0-18 Announcers: Color Commentary: Jim Lynam and Die Lynam; Play by Play: Marc Zumoff; Sideline: Molly French Let's begin. 1st Quarter: Kobe immediately takes and makes a three, announcers take a shot at Kobe's shooting percentage in a backhanded compliment sort of way. Kobe comes down and hits another three. Someone is pumped. "We are balling already folks!" says Jim Lynam excitedly. This is actually true, as Kobe hits three 3's in a row and the Sixers matched the first two. MVP chants for Kobe...on the road. There is a 33% chance Kobe told Jahlil Okafor that the Sixers suck before the game started. Arena is sold out for first time since Iverson played and/or his retirement ceremony (Exaggerated that a bit) They keep saying how Lou Williams is a former Sixer. We get it, you miss having NBA players. With 4 left in the first Kobe has 13 points. Go for 50 duh duh duh duh duh, go for 50 duh duh duh duh duh, is what I am imaging the crowd is chanting in their minds. I envy Nerlens Noel's high top fade. Man they love Lou Williams more than Drake did. The last two minutes has all been about Lou! We get it, he was 6th man of the year. Metta World Peace checks in. Stauskus shot rightly described as awkward. After one: Lakers up 33-26 2nd Quarter The three announcers approach is always interesting in terms of air time. What's it like to be the announcers of a win-less team? I honestly think it would be fun. Kind of like how it's fun to be a parent of a kid on a crappy middle school team, because you don't have to put that much effort into it, don't have to worry about playoffs, but get good experience nonetheless. AAAAAAND ANOTHER LOU WILLIAMS GUSH FEST! "I am a huge Lou Williams fan." says Jim Lynam. You don't say. 0 Lakers field goals in the last four minutes, yet the Sixers have only closed the gap by two. That's what kind of game this is. Jakarr Sampson missed second free throw, somehow got his own rebound and then got fouled again. Why is that important? It isn't. Swaggy P breaks the field goal drought and lets the crowd know he did. French interviewing Kobe's Lower Merion head coach. You can tell he's a coach by his raspy voice. Oh, he just apologized for his voice. Beat her to it! Okafor fought hustled for that basket. Sorry, I do feel bad for the guy. Who wouldn't be frustrated being a top tier player on a win less team? He's young, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. That's my quick take on that whole situation. Kobe used to go against former Sixers draft prospects, including Jerry Stackhouse. Fun fact. It's almost sad to watch this Lakers team. They have some nice young pieces but nothing much else. At least they don't have 10 plus undrafted guys or however many Philly has. Playing "I Can't Feel my Face" as they advertise a Sixers-Nuggets game coming up. I can't feel any emotions when thinking about that game. Kobe now 5-13. A very quiet 8 misses I must say. No one can hide misses with the occasional make like Kobe can. Sixers honoring Moses Malone. Quick CSN tangent: I looked up who their announcers were and was led a little astray. Late in the second they show the announcers, who look cramped and a little unhappy, but that's when I realized there were two Lynams calling this game. After some research it turns out that Dei is the daughter of Jim! A father-daughter combo! That's taking your daughter to work to the extreme. I wonder if Zumoff feels like the third wheel or the distant uncle. (She looks like a cross between Amy Poehler and Hilary Clinton)
I keep having weird mental flashes of "Why the hell am I watching a game between teams with a combined 2-32 record?" Basketball. I love basketball. Yes. That's good enough reasoning for me. Basketball. Interview with Doctor J! Talking about the late-great Moses Malone. The Chairman of the Boards is a top five nickname in sports, that being Moses' nickname of course. Stauskus fixing his hair before walking out. Yes, the hair will help you, fix the hair. Kobe nails a 3! What is he, 8-8 from 3? Oh, he's 4-10, still not bad. Unless you question 10....make that 11 3 point attempts before halftime. At the half: Lakers up 58-50 3rd Quarter Kobe leads all scorers at the half. Just showed that someone left Philly cheese-steaks in Kobe's locker. How I wish someone would leave cheese-steaks in my locker For those of you who haven't seen the Sixers yet this year, which I am guessing is all of you, I really like what I see from both Okafor and Noel. Just don't trade them Hinkie! Don't do it! Vitaly Potapenko was drafted before Kobe. Philly just tied it up at 58. As Covington drains the 3, Sam Hinkie pulls out his phone and sends a mass text to the 29 other GM's reading "Covington is available, looking for 3-6 second rounders." Pushing through this one. It's the most unexciting one point game ever. Covington hits another three, Hinkie checks inbox, which is disappointingly empty. Hibbert and Sampson fight!!! Here we go. Announcers: Hibbert is known for throwing elbows. Okafor was trying to hold people back, see, he can be nice! The look on Hibbert's face as he was slowly forcing his elbow towards Grant is priceless. No emotion, mouth agape. Does Hibbert have any other emotion other than sullen? He's the Jay Cutler of the NBA. Decided to skip most of the official review, the beauty of league pass. Hibbert was awarded a tech. Weird phrase, not really an award. Kobe just took a contested fall away deep two from the baseline and missed, but I'll just pretend he made it. Larry Nance Jr sighting as Kobe misses again to fall to 6-20 and 4-14 from three. Wait, Lou Williams is a former Sixer? Thanks for that fun fact Marc! Sixers new uniforms are pretty nice. Despite for this game being pretty dull, at least its a close game and the Sixers look so motivated because they know this is pretty much their best chance to get a win for a while. Score after 3: Sixers up 80-75. 4th Quarter Its sad that undrafted, former walk on, TJ McConnell is outplaying number 3 overall D'Angelo Russel. As I typed that Russel threw down a nice dunk. Only has 7 points though. Kobe comes out shooting 7-23 with 19 points. I went to sixers.com just to succumb to the sideline URL. Not a bad site. Sixers on a nice run to get up 94-80 with seven to go. Isaih Canaan is number 0. I love when players are 0 but I love when they are 00 even more. That's what kind of game this is. Showing all of the Sixers blown 4th quarter leads over the past few games. That's a depressing hometown view on this lead. Jordan Clarkson doesn't get nearly enough credit. Sell out crowd doesn't seem that enthused about the Sixers being up and possibly winning a game. A Russel three actually drew some cheers. Kobe back in, crowd goes wild. Yeah, this crowd may lean Lakers. Sixers vs Nuggets tickets start at $10 for kids. That seems high considering the match up. The Sixers should take a dollar off tickets for every second rounder they trade for. Kobe missed a three that would have put them within 5. Hollis Thompson with a dagger 3. McConnell can really dish it, set up Okafor with a nice driving layup. Sixers coach Brett Brown has grin on his face, its the "man this will make me look good" grin. I love how the announcers start every Kobe dig with "I love Kobe but..." With a minute left and the Sixers up ten, Hinkie is coming up with all the convoluted ways his team could blow this one. Sadly for Hinkie, it's unlikely. Wow the Sixers players look relieved. It happened, it actually happened, the Sixers won a game. Final Score: Sixers 103- Lakers 91. "The Sixers my friends, have won a basketball game." Says Zumoff. That sounds weird out of context. Sixers finally win yet crowd chants Kobe. That's just how great of a player he was. Definitely a crowd pleaser. So, the game got a little slow at time, but overall it was nice to see Kobe's career honored. It was also nice to see Moses Malone honored. Oh, and the Sixers finally won. I put the highlights here so you couldn't just watch them and skip my ramblings! HAHAHA
He signed a three year extension last December, and the Rockets looked ready for take off (ha). This year, the team has struggled to do anything well: Harden is shooting more, and less efficiently, the team is figuring out how to use Ty Lawson, and they are getting blown out by the likes of the Nuggets (twice) and the Nets (8 points isn't a blowout, but they were the first team the Net's had beaten through 8 games). What's next for Houston? Probably ride it out with interim coach J.B. Bickerstaff, or make a splashy hire such as Tibs??? I'm curious of what's next for McHale. In Houston he went 193-130 overall. I am sure he will get a few calls. Top three most likely destinations for McHale (Don't rule out a return to TV): 3. Charlotte Hornets. Yeah they have Steve Clifford right now, and he did well in his first year with the team, leading them to the playoffs, but they struggled mightily last year. I am not a fan of giving up on coaches so soon, but the NBA seems to be pretty quick to let coaches go. One of the main reasons this could work: Al Jefferson. McHale is the big man guru. As a player, McHale had a lethal combination of low post moves. It is only natural he passes on his knowledge to the next generation. Big Al already has a nice low post game, and he is past the learning stage of his career. But Al loved playing with McHale in Minnesota. Reuniting them makes a lot of sense. McHale and Al worked well together when Al was just 24, so it would be very interesting to see how they work now. Whether or not McHale would implement Morey's analytic style somewhere else remains to be seen. Kemba Walker could benefit from the style change. Charlotte has been so bad on offense these past few years that they could use a change. Despite what was happening with this year's Rockets, McHale's teams play good defense. The reason this might not happen is if the Hornets want consistency at coach, but I could see this becoming a possibility if the Hornets start struggling.
2. Sacramento Kings.
Everyone has heard about the drama in Sac-town. There seems to have been "Karl on the hot seat" talks ever since he was hired. DeMarcus Cousins has gone off on Karl multiple times. There were rumors that management talked to players about whether they should fire Karl. I think we would all be shocked if Karl is still coaching this team by February. The Kings want to do two things: Make big splashes, and keep Cousins. Sadly, the former has sometimes seemed more important than the latter. Hiring McHale would accomplish both of these "goals". He is a big name with a pretty solid track record. What other coach would you want mentoring Boogie? This makes sense on so many levels. It would even benefit Willie Cauley Stein as well. I am sure Boogie wouldn't have too many qualms with it. The problem: Would McHale want to coach the Kings? He just finished coaching one of the most "high-character" guys in the league in Dwight Howard. He just finished coaching a bunch of me-first players. And what coach wants to take on the task of coaching Rondo? It's not just Rondo, but Cousins has yet to latch on to any coaches, except for Mike Malone, whom they inexplicably fired early last season. They arguably have three me first guys in Rondo, Cousins, and Rudy Gay. The chemistry has looked disastrous at times. They are a few years away from actually contending in the West. While I think it is very possible the Kings would love to get McHale, I am not sure if McHale would love to get the Kings. 1. Minnesota Timberwolves.
As I said earlier, McHale never really got a fair chance to coach Minnesota. He was a part of the organization for years in the front office, but he only coached them for 94 games in two separate stints. (The second stint came after they fired Randy Wittman who had replaced the fired Dwayne Casey, not exactly tough acts to follow) This time around, McHale could be just what these young wolves need. The Wolves have one of the most exciting young big men in recent years in Karl-Anthony Towns. Having him being molded by McHale would be super exciting to watch. Imagine KAT's freakish athleticism with McHale's fine tuning. The Wolves have been surprisingly competitive this season, so adding a seasoned coach with ties to the organization might be just what they need.
Everyone is paying attention to the Kevin Durant free agency question. No matter what he says, he is thinking about it too. Everyone is also writing, talking, tweeting, skyping, periscoping (?) about where he will end up. The prevailing theory is that he will decide between the Thunder and his hometown Wizards. Both make sense in both basketball and in "PR status". We have all learned from the Lebron saga that PR for these stars means everything. It would be hard to mess up this scenario as bad as Lebron did, but you never know. Maybe Durant will host a live announcement at Chesapeake Arena, get it full of Thunder fans, come out in Thunder gear and then say "I am taking my talents to the nation's capitol." What if the choice wasn't 50-50? What if every team had a chance? I came up with a scoring scale, (similar to Zach Lowe's League Pass Ranking scale) three categories (1-10 points): Basketball (does it make sense in terms of winning titles), PR/narrative (will his decision lead to jersey burning) and Brand (will the location be marketable for the KD brand). These are all assuming cap space isn't relevant, which is partially true with the expanding cap.
Sorry Sonics, not in the running. Out of his league: 30. Sixers (4) I would love to see with Noel and Okafor, but no one else outside of Philly would. 29. Nuggets (8) A bit of a leap forward, mostly because Denver can market stars a little better than Philly. Mudiay and KD? 28. Pacers (11) Basketball wise it could be fun to team up KD and PG-13, but the market is not good and the narrative would be full of ??? 27. Magic (12) Also fun, but makes no sense legacy wise. Stars leave Orlando much more frequently than they go there (Shaq, Dwight). 26. Bucks (12) Their young core with KD (KD plus Giannis!) would be very exciting, but the market and PR wouldn't be good enough. 25. Pistons (13) The league's most surprising team plus Durant would be great, but their would be that awkward Reggie Jackson reunion. 24. Jazz(13) Basketball "purists" would love this, but who has ever left anywhere for Utah? 23. Nets (14) The Nets are higher than seven teams? Think market, close your eyes, ignore the basketball aspect of this basketball team, and picture KD in Brooklyn...now wake up and see Joe Johnson's contract. 22. Timberwolves (14) Opposite of the Nets. 21. Kings (15) Kings were the only team with 5's across the board, proving mediocrity and this team are synonymous. OK, Maybe: 20. Grizzlies(15) They get here because any offense would push Grizzlies forward, and his offense would push them possibly to Finals. But there is a lot of animosity between the two sides, mostly from playoffs of years past, and Tony Allen. 19. Portland (16) I gave them major points imagining the story lines: The team that picked Oden over him, finally gets it right. 18. Mavericks (16) Going anywhere in the same region isn't a great idea. Bonus points for homecoming narrative (college that is, even though that argument could me made for any Texas team really). 17. Suns (17) Phoenix is much more capable of attracting bitter retired people than they are superstars. 16. Cavaliers (18) Surprised? Imagine the narrative: Durant can't win on his own (which is unfair to Westbrook and Ibaka) so he teams up with Lebron. People would freak out. Chance in hell: 15. Lakers: Obviously the brand got 10 points here, but the basketball would have a lot of work to do to make it happen. No matter how bad this current team is, the Lakers have always found ways to make things work. 14. Rockets (19) Title contenders right away, but the Durant needs Harden thing would be too strong. 13. Hawks (19) Another all basketball, no image scenario. 12. Knicks (20) See Lakers, minus the "have always found a way to make things work" part. Melo and KD? Would that really work? 11. Hornets (21) MJ would surely help him brand, but besides Kemba and a declining Big Al, what else do they have to offer? 10. Heat (21) It would look so bad to do exactly what Lebron did, but don't rule this out! Pat Riley is a Magi who uses spells to attract any free agent. 9. Celtics (22) Who would really complain? A star going to join a bunch of young talent? In the East, although the East is improving, this team would be hard to compete with. 8. Pelicans (22) KD and AD. 7. Raptors (23) Team would be pretty good, no one would really complain, and Drake would certainly help his brand. Pretty solid all around. The Contenders 6. Spurs (24) Great team, great PR, but not much at all for brand. That hurts them. 5. Warriors (25) Unstoppable team, but some might view it as a cop out. If you can't beat em, join em, sort of thing. 4. Clippers (25) They edge out Warriors because of the LA market. Also helping out the lesser respected LA team. I like this idea. 3. Wizards (26) Hometown team. The skill level will be great, but as great as they are, Wall and Beal don't make up for not playing with Westrbook and Ibaka. Thunder have a little more than Wizards, though the PR would be great. 2. Bulls (26) Jimmy Butler, maybe D-Rose, maybe Noah, with Durant? Plus the whole rejuvenating the Bulls thing? I think this is
an underrated option. 1. Thunder (27) Kind of a cop out, but it's not for basketball. While the Thunder are stacked, they do have to worry about Westbrook's upcoming free agency. Branding in OKC isn't great, but the whole loyalty thing would help. Take these rankings for what you will, but you could really make the case for any of these top six.
It is now about a week into the NBA season. There have been great games and moments already. However, I had started a tall task before the season started that had nothing to do with real basketball. I have decided to finsih it: Hypothetical situations are great. They come up in sports all the time. Would Wilt have been as dominant had he played today? Would Jordan beat Lebron one on one in his prime? Would the Lakers have been as good with Marc Gasol rather than Pau? We will never know for sure.
However, someone ingeniously came up with a website specifically for hypothetical needs. This site is whatifsports.com. It uses statistics from basketball-reference.com to match up any team from any era against any other team. It covers the four major sports plus college. Really cool site to kill one hour (OK two hours).....(OK three).....OK half a day. Being the basketball weirdo that I am, I decided to do a fake oral history of a fake series (I will probably start talking about actual basketball once the season gets going a bit more). ESPN and Grantland(RIP) do/did some good oral histories of games, but never for fake series'. What match up would I do?
96 Bulls vs 85 Celtics? Bad Boys Pistons vs Lebron's Heat teams? Nah, those would be too obvious. Instead I decided to put one of the crazier modern teams against a team from the 60's.
The team representing the 21st century: 2006-2007 Denver Nuggets. (45-37) Why? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, they had Carmelo, Marcus Camby, Allen Iverson, Andre Miller (he was traded mid season for Iverson but the websites includes him so I will too), Earl Boykins, and wait for it..... JR Smith. How many ball stoppers can you fit on one team? They also represent what was wrong about mid 2000's basketball, the me over the team mentality. Here's one of this teams biggest moments:
The opponent: The 1968-1969 New Orleans Buccaneers from the ABA . They represent the 60's with names like Jimmy Jones, Steve Jones, Marlbert Pradd (who declined to comment for this story) and Ron Franz. Sounds more like an oldies band than a team. They also have another great name that I will get to later.
What happens when these two styles clash? Find out.
The following is a fake oral history. None of this actually happened, and everything said is false.
New Orleans Coach Babe McCarthy (I am not making his name up): Going into that series, I told my men to buckle down and play their hardest. They have fight. They have courage. They have each other. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
Denver Coach George Karl: I told my guys, well actually I didn't tell them anything. The only players who showed up on time to the mandatory meeting was Earl Boykins. The rest of team was either an hour late or didn't show up at all.
Denver Point Guard Allen Iverson: I just arrived in Denver, and they tell me we are playing a team from the 60's in a best of five series?
Denver Forward Carmelo Anthony: I walk into the arena and coach is like "we are gonna play this team of older guys, who are somehow still in their primes. That's the first time I thought to myself: I gotta get the hell out of Denver.
New Orleans Forward Ron Franz: I was focused. These kids now days are ruining the game. We had to teach them a lesson, so to speak. New Orleans Center Red Robbins (real name): I look at this series like I look at a burger, you have to put everything you have into it.
Fake TV Network play by play commentary Al Michaels: They called me up and said: Al, the Nuggets from ten years ago are playing the Buccaneers. And at this point I was only doing football, so I thought they were doing some cross sports game. But no, I was later told (after I agreed) that it was the 1968 New Orleans Buccaneers.
Fake TV Network color commentary Reggie Miller: I said yes right away, I knew these dudes couldn't shoot like me.
Game one and two were in the Pepsi Center.
McCarthy: This arena was huge. But I measured the hoops and said men, these hoops are ten feet, just like back at home. (The producers of Hoosiers would later sue McCarthy for using that strategy without permission) We walked into the arena, and two players vomited, that's how different it was than what my men were used to.
Robbins: I'll admit it, I vomited as if I ate a bad burger.
New Orleans point guard Jimmy Jones: Yeah, Red threw up and so did someone else. This arena was about ten times bigger than ours. But we were humble and happy to be there, see.
Karl: Before the game I sat down the team and said you have to play 48 minutes. These guys don't know the modern day rules, we have that to our advantage.
Michaels: There was speculation they might remove the 3 point line to accommodate the Buccaneers, but JR Smith said he refused to play if they did so.
Game one begins.
First possession of the Game, Iverson hits a fade away two.
McCarthy: My men had never seen that type of shot or that type of speed before.
Jimmy Jones: I was used to guarding the likes of Mack Calvin and Darel Carrier, see.
Iverson: These dudes were slower than kids at my basketball camp.
With the game tied at 23, Buccaneer Lee Davis dunked it at the buzzer.
McCarthy: You better believe I chewed him a new one! He dunked it?! FUNDAMENTALS!
Nugget guard Steve Blake: And I thought my dunks looked dorky.
Michaels: So you had this team that had no business being there, up after one. You could tell they were in it to win it, while Denver looked like they could not care less.
Carmelo: We couldn't care less.
With about 8 minutes to go in the second, Mike Butler swats a Carmelo jumper. The next Denver possession Jack Moreland stole the ball from Carmelo.
Miller: Melo just didn't respect these guys. After those two plays, he looked angry.
Moreland: It's all about what coach taught us, I was just honored to have the chance to steal the ball.
McCarthy: Fundamentals!
At halftime the score was New Orleans 56-Denver 51.
Michaels: You could hear a pin drop in the Pepsi Center. Marcus Camby tossed a chair onto the floor. Emotions were running high.
Miller: JR Smith didn't play a single minute in the first half, and he was not happy about it.
Karl: JR comes into the locker room and is fuming. I thought he was mad about the score, no. He was mad about not playing. He said put me in coach, I got this.
JR: Did he put me in? No.
Michaels: The 3rd quarter defined the game.
McCarthy: In the locker room you better believe I ripped them a new one for being so bombastic and cocky in the first half. They needed to be FUNDAMENTALLY sound.
Jimmy Jones: Coach really let us have it, see. We couldn't let him down.
Karl: When the 3rd quarter was over, JR walked into the locker room. That's how upset he was.
At the end of 3, the score was 83-69.
Andre Miller: They just outplayed us that quarter. To be honest, we just didn't respect them.
Michaels: In the fourth quarter, with under two minutes to go, Red Robbins made two of the most spectacular plays I have ever seen. The Nuggets had cut it down to 105-100 and had the ball. But then Robbins picked off an Andre Miller pass, drove down the court and got fouled by Carmelo, it was his sixth foul!
Carmelo: These refs were awful. Half of them were modern refs, and half were ABA. When I fouled out all I was thinking was I need to get the hell out of Denver.
Iverson: For him to foul out at such a crucial point, that was devastating
Michaels: So Robbins hits both free throws and then comes up with another steal!
Robbins: It's like a well priced burger, it was a great steal.
Miller: So the Buc's were up six with about ten seconds to play, and for whatever reason, Ron Franz dunks the ball as time expired. The Nuggets were not too happy about that.
Karl: Camby threw a chair at Franz and chased him down. The weird thing is, the rest of their team ran to the locker room, poor Franz was left by himself.
Camby: I was just upset. When I saw his team leave him I felt kind of bad for the guy, so I apologized and he shook my hand.
McCarthy: I immediately tried to kick him off my team. There is no room for that kind of nonsense. Unfortunately we were not allowed to make any roster changes between games.
Karl: After the game we looked at the numbers...Iverson was 14 of 30 from the field.
Miller: AI was off and Melo was 0-4 from three? Something wasn't right.
Iverson: You miss every shot you don't take.
JR: At least I didn't miss any shots.
Miller: The amazing thing was, New Orleans won the game after only making two 3's, out of 4 attempts. You know what their coach says...
McCarthy: Fundamentals!
Red Robbins was named Player of the Game with 19 points, 13 rebounds, 4 blocks, and 4 steals.
Game TWO ( I have decided to cut this best of five short by summarizing the non elimination games)
New Orleans came out and outscored Denver 35-25 in the first quarter, but Denver was not having it this time.
Denver outscored New Orleans each of the next three quarters to win 113-104.
Karl: Melo carried us.
Carmelo: One game closer to getting out of here.
Game THREE-First game in New Orleans at Loyola University Fieldhouse
Iverson: We walked into this arena and we all started laughing.
Karl: This place looked like a high school auditorium.
McCarthy: We sold out. All 6,500 seats were full. It was a beautiful sight.
Carmelo: I had more people at my middle school games.
McCarthy: None of my men could stop that Anthony kid, they were all too slow. They also got away from the FUNDAMENTALS!
Karl: Carmelo went off with a 38-8-8, I still don't like his game.
Melo: One game from booking my flight outta here.
Game FOUR
McCarthy: I told my guys before the game, this what there last chance to make their fans proud. I told them when they go home tonight, and have to look their wives and kids in the eyes, they need to be proud! Proud of what they have done tonight! That is all they can ask for! Most of these guys have other jobs, their basketball salaries aren't enough to support their families. So, when they go back to those jobs, I want them to tell their co-workers about what they did here today, about what it meant to be a New Orleans Buccaneer!
Karl: I told my guys to finish this thing.
Moreland: I was nervous. This could be the last game for us, we knew we had enough to force one more game.
Steve Jones: I needed this game. My law firm Jones and Jones with Jimmy was tanking. I didn't have no where else to go.
Jimmy Jones: Jones and Jones had hit the rails running, see. We needed to keep this boat a float, see.
Carmelo: I came in with one mindset: Drop 30 on em, and get the hell outta here.
Iverson: As much fun as it was running circles around these slow dudes, I was ready to end this series.
First Quarter:
McCarthy: We started the game on an 8-2 run. Ron Franz hit a nice fundamental 5 footer to get us to 8.
Franz: I just practiced what coach preached, so to speak.
Denver rallied back to tie the game at 8.
Michaels: You see, we only had the broadcasting rights to game one and four. The middle two games were on NBA TV.
Miller: I had forgotten this series was still going, and they called me and said hey Reg, game four is tomorrow.
Jack Moreland hit a shot to put the Bucs up two, and then Franz tipped in a Jimmy Jones miss to put the Bucs up 4.
Franz: Coach taught us to never give up on a possession, so to speak.
Jimmy Jones scored 6 unanswered points for the Buccaneers to close out the quarter ahead 32-22.
Melo: I look up at the scoreboard and thought, oh man, there's going to be a game five if we keep playing like this. I also remembered all the negative attention we got after losing game one. Skip Bayless called me the worst player the NBA has ever seen. I didn't want that attention again.
McCarthy:: Two of my players high-fived after the quarter, and I benched them. They lost their focus.
Jimmy Jones: I felt good going into the second. The ball was being put in the basket, see.
Franz: We were riding a momentum wave, so to speak.
Michaels: You could see the Nuggets wanted no part of a game five. They came out on fire. In hindsight, it was probably best for the series, since game five was also on NBA TV.
The Nuggets tied the game at 36 after a Carmelo jumper.
McCarthy: I called timeout and told my men, this is it. If we don't turn it around here, we may never being able to look our wives in the eyes ever again.
The rest of quarter was back and forth. Jimmy Jones hit a jumper with 15 seconds left to tie it, but Iverson hit a runner with a second left.
At the half Denver was up 55-53.
Here are the respective halftime speeches, according to sources close to the situation:
McCarthy: Men, this is it. If we come out there flat, we are done. Great moments are born from great opportunity. And that's what you have here tonight, men (McCarthy was later sued by the producers of Miracle. He lost both suits and worked two jobs to pay off the fees).
Karl: 24 minutes, then we can all celebrate.
JR Smith: Coach knew what we wanted to hear.
Michaels: The third quarter turned out to be a wash. So at the end of three the score was 86-84 Denver.
McCarthy: I told my men, we have them right where we want them.
Michaels: With three minutes left, Iverson hits a shot to put Denver up 110-101.
Franz: Coach called a timeout, and what coach told us in that huddle inspires me to this day. I can't say what he said as he is afraid of more legal ramifications, so to speak.
Michaels: New Orleans goes on a run, and all of a sudden the score is 114-111 with under a minute left. With about 40 seconds left, Iverson inexplicably throws the ball out of bounds.
Iverson: Just wanted to see if they were clutch.
Micahaels: So, the Buccaneers have a chance, and they went with their man, Jimmy Jones. But he missed.
Jimmy Jones: I have made that shot thousands of times in practice. It just didn't go in, see.
Carmelo: And then Jones or whoever fouls me and I drain em both. There was so much relief after those shots went in. It was finally over.
Michaels: There just wasn't enough time for New Orleans.
Final Score: Denver: 119, New Orleans 113. Denver wins the series 3-1.
Final thoughts: Denver:
Carmelo: I got my 30. Goodbye Denver.
Carmelo was eventually traded to the Knicks, which turned out to be just as ridiculous as this series was.
Iverson: Game.
Iverson went on to play over-seas but never captured the success he had in Philly and in this series.
JR Smith: I only played in one game. One game!
JR Smith also ended up on the Knicks (see above)
Coach Karl: I was kind of relieved, there were a lot of me first guys on that team.
Karl went on to become the coach of the Kings, built around me first guys.
New Orleans:
Robbins: It was devastating. It was like getting a cold burger.
Red Robbins went on to start a successful burger chain.
Franz: We got outplayed, so to speak.
Ron Franz went on to open up a frozen yogurt stand in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Moreland: This was the end of basketball for me. I didn't know what to do next.
To this day, Jack Moreland is still contemplating what to do next.
Steve Jones: No one remembers my series, they all talk about Jimmy. And that's fine with me. I have a lot of respect for him.
Jimmy Jones: I played really well, but it didn't matter in the end, see.
Jimmy Jones rode his wave of "fame" and started his own law firm called Jones. Steve Jones was not involved, much to Steve's disgruntlement.
McCarthy: My men played their hearts out. But I guess now days heart means nothing when facing superior talent.
Babe McCarthy continued to fight the movie producers lawsuits, eventually settling in court for an undisclosed sum. He keeps busy by coach the local middle school team.
Al Michaels: I have called many snoozers in my day, but that series....well, yeah, it was a snoozer.
With preseason getting underway in the NBA, how about a little poem to get ready for the season!
Baseball is coming to a close Autumn leaves start to fall
The dangers of football are being exposed
You can hear the dribbling of a ball The Splash Brothers prepare to defend their crown NBA action from coast to coast
Shaq prepares his role as the clown
He's got you covered on the teams you love most From South Beach to the Pacific Northwest
There are new faces in new places
Some stood out more than the rest Deandre's time in Dallas has left no traces Whether you fear the deer or fear the beard Things keep changing and it leaves you amazed What young player will Hinkie trade this year Will Lebron and Co leave the East ablaze?
The Jazz will try to keep their rise at a crescendo The Thunder hope for some better weather Some players are older than a Nintendo But the Mamba knows doubters don't know better Rose is hoping to put the pedal to the metal New coaches are set to establish their tempo Hot seats hotter than tea on a kettle Better watch out for Antetokounmpo PG-13 means more than a rating
Don't make Doc Rivers scowl Trash talk from KG can be degrading But the T-Wolves are ready to howl The Spurs are looking ready to battle But the West is unbelievably deep Blake Griffin with the dunks that make the rims rattle When it comes to the Pelicans you better not sleep Every team now has a clean slate It doesn't matter if your short or tall Its a new year with a wide open plate You can hear the dribbling of a ball
This poem was remarkably cheesy I feel like I shouldn't have proceeded Some of these rhymes turned out to be easy Its just a pity this wasn't deleted.
